apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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