Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
