1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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