Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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