She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
