so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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