woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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