A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
