I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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