Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
