Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
