before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
