i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
