she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
