I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
