I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
