yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
bring money and cleavage
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
