where am i from again
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
