I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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