So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
