i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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