just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
