I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize