my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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