shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
