hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
