He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
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i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize