can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
