Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
