I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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