Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
