My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
