he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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