i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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