You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
