Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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