Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
