Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
