Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
