can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
