pop tarts are not kleenex
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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