What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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