My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
