I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
