I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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