hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
