well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
