then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize