: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
