there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
