Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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