therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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