I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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