I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
