I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
