there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
