i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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