God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
