im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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